marți, 10 februarie 2009

V(B)alantine's Day

It's really difficult for me to think that in 3 days time the famous, way too commercial Valentine's Day will take place. I already feel pretty depressed, I don't want to be too "EMO" or anything but it's just the way I feel. This is the first time that I've decided to write about my emotional problems as I think I would feel relieved afterwards. Though the Valentine's Day is not a traditional Romanian custom, it has become increasingly important in the past years, culminating with this year when, in the last month all you could hear/talk/see around you was related to this topic. I don't feel depressed because of other people's happiness, I feel depressed because of my grief, because it becomes even more evident that I am lonely and alone.
Since we broke up (November 15th 2008) I went through a lot of experiences. One of my biggest mistakes was to find affection in another guy just 1 week after the breakup. Big mistake!!! Don't do it! It will make you feel bad about yourself; it will make you feel weak, always running away from your problems and emotions. Confront them, you are stronger than you think! It's not shameful to admit that you are hurt, or that you still linger after him/her, that you dream about him/her and that you hope one day to meet that person again and if it's not possible for you to get back together, at least find a way to keep good relations between you. It's too soon for me and Vlad to suddenly become old buddies, old palls...I am aware of that. Nevertheless, could someone please explain me why I still obstinately cling to all those memories, all that part of me which still belongs to him? I can even smell his perfume sometimes. I cleared my room with all objects which might remind me of him, hid away all picture albums, gifts, erased all my SMS, mails...everything. The only thing I could not erase was the memories I have, all those bitter-sweet episodes I will cherish for as long as I live. All those summer nights spent together talking and strolling, all those times when we were riding his motorbike, or the first time he let me drive his car...(funny moment), all those excursions, visits, meeting his family, being part of it, having him around me, all those movie nights...just everything. Funny how life is sometimes. It seems that you are never the right person at the right time. I should synchronize myself with life's cycle, being the runner-up is not an option anymore. I want to be a winner, I want to succeed. I want to find you, whoever you are...
But still, the main feeling I have right now would be the fact that I still yearn for him. I miss not missing him anymore.

3 comentarii:

  1. nu esti nici "lonely", si nici "alone"! ne ai pe noi!!! prietenii tai de pretutindeni! Horatiu te roaga... reinventeaza-te! doar te cunosc... ce mama dreacu'! Prea apesi pe buba... Pliiiizzzz! post back!

  2. aaaaa... ca sa nu uit... pentru oameni ca tine (!) sunt online chiar daca sunt pe undeva prin munti sau paduri si nu am net! Conteaza calitatea si nu cantitatea! (imi zicea mie cineva...)

  3. multumesc mult :) !! te astept pe la noi prin TGM. Vezi ca saptamana viitoare plec in Sibiu, de joi pana duminica. Poate facem cumva sa ne intalnim si noi in viitorul mai apropiat sau mai indepartat. Incerc sa ma reinventez intre timp...:)